Conflict Resolution Tools For The Classroom (First Days of School Part Three)

“Conflict is inevitable, but combat is optional”

- Max Lucado

In order to teach kids healthier ways of conflict resolution we, as adults, must unlearn the idea that confrontation at its root is hostile. This belief is why many fear and avoid it, or why those who engage in it have trouble reaching a compromise or resolution. Confrontation is simply the face-to-face or coming together of two opposing sides. How to properly handle confrontation is a teachable life skill where we can give our children tools to end the cycle of the negative connotations associated with confrontation itself.

Here are 4 tools I practice with my littles in the classroom and at home with my second grader to try and promote healthy conflict resolution, compromise and accountability:

Tool No.1 - Be An Active Listener

Often times when two people are engaged in a confrontation, one is speaking while the other is simply waiting their turn to talk. If there is no communication give and take, then the communication will only serve to further frustrate both parties involved. Listen to HEAR where the other person may be coming from, not in wait to discredit their viewpoint or invalidate their feelings. Sometimes it is just about the benefit of getting it out and feeling heard.

Tool No.2 - Speak with Self-Awareness

Sometimes, because the two parties involved are already in opposition of one another, there may be hostility from the beginning. The trick here becomes diffusing so meaningful communication can take place. Both parties should attempt to speak clearly and non-condescendingly. Make sure your tone and volume are conducive to a productive conversation and not that of a fight.

Tool No.3 - Respect Other Opinions & Boundaries

It is important to always remain teachable. Sometimes, you can think you’re right and actually you are wrong. Sometimes there is no right or wrong and two opinions simply exist. You have to enter the confrontation with a mindset to compromise, or agree to disagree, rather than to move the other person to your viewpoint or get them to admit they are “wrong.”

Tool No.4 - Understand When & How to Use The Words “I’m Sorry”

A confrontation can also be an opportunity to acknowledge or own hurt caused by one party that affected another. One party must be willing to apologize and the other needs to be in a place to receive and accept it. For, small children (and some adults) it is important to give it time between the hurtful incident and the apology so both parties can genuinely give and accept the sorry. It is also key for children to not say it if they don’t mean it/feel it. If children are apologizing, they must verbalize what exactly sorry means, what they are sorry for, and how the behavior going forward will change so that the sorry is authentic and meaningful. It is crucial to model this on both sides for little ones. We must show the ability to apologize to other adults, and to our children, as well as be able to receive it while expecting and expressing changed behavior. A “kiss and make-up” forced apology isn’t real resolution and chances are the conflict will only arise again.

The above literary resource presents a specific conflict or dilemma on each page and offers the reader three options to best resolve it. This is a great book I use in my classroom each year to kick off engaging conversation about problem solving, choices, and conflict resolution. Search for this title and other resources about this topic on Google.