4 Big Myths to Dispel On Our Pursuit To Raise & Be “Strong” Women
“Here’s to strong women…
may we know them, may we be them, may we raise them!”
- Anonymous
We have all heard this quote before. It says so much, and yet not enough. The definition of true strength is different for us all. As we celebrate Women’s History Month this March and honor the great, influential, and strong women of the past, I am reflective on the how of the previous quote. How do we go about being and fostering the strong women of our present as well as our daughter’s futures?
A few things are certainly shared by iconic women of strength such as Mother Teresa, Maya Angelou, Malala Yousafzai, and Ruth Bader Ginsberg. The characteristics of bravery, resilience, passion, and honor. We must begin by coming from a place that spotlights, models and encourages such qualities by dispelling a few commonly spread myths for our girls.
Myth #1 Emotion = Weakness
We hear this often as a throw away comment as to why men make “better leaders.” Women act out of emotion where as men act out of logic. Not only is this statement completely false it’s also grotesquely sexist! No human being is devoid of emotion. Passion and empathy are two of the best emotional motivators of great leaders male or female in history. “Big Girls Don’t Cry,” is also a part of this big lie. We need to stop telling ALL of our children that crying is a display of weakness. Tears, just like sweat, are a much needed physical and emotional release and shedding them should be destigmatized. The process of overcoming many things in life may involve some tears, definitely some vulnerability, and lots of courage, none of which is for the weak or faint of heart! The idea that all people are not both emotional and logical is a myth, and FYI ego and pride are emotions too…I’m just saying!
Myth #2 Don’t Be So Bossy (bossy & outspoken = bad qualities)
I catch myself trying not to say this to my own litttle boss of a boss on a daily basis. It’s important to nurture a balance in our girls by considering the language in which we reprimand and describe their behavior. We should be using solution focused language to encourage a growth mindset. Remind them that being a good leader involves making sure you’re also listening to other voices and considering other input. Outspoken women have strong opinions and aren’t afraid to make their voices heard, but there is room for many voices, and many suggestions since there are usually multiple ways to solve a problem. Consider the graphics below from @wholeheartedschoolcounseling and Croydon primary school:
Myth #3 Strength is Measured In Wins
I don’t know about you but I have always learned more from any loss than I have from any win. We have got to kill the narrative for our children that you are stronger as the victor. Perseverance and resilience are the true tests of strength. One must possess the ability to get up after life knocks you down as it will to us all again and again. We want to encourage taking away the lessons over taking away the trophy, striving to be better than they were yesterday in the competition with themselves, and maintaining the ability to keep going even when it’s hard.
Myth #4 Strong People Are Born Not Made
Some people are strong and some people aren’t. I think this is just a lie we mostly tell ourselves. Strength can be strength of spirit, heart, mind, or body. Perhaps you feel some areas of strength are more developed in you than others. Sounds like an opportunity to exercise the others to me! I have certainly proven to myself over the years that in all of the above areas I am stronger than I thought, and I still have a ways go. The good news is strength being finite, only one thing, or only one way, only accessible to or born in specific people is a lie. Try to remember that strength and struggle often coexist! Strength is carried differently by everyone. Never feel weak because your load feels heavier on you some days than others. You too are stronger than you know and just as strong as the woman beside you in your own particular way!