Expectations vs. Reality & Other Lessons Learned As a Sports Mom
“Somewhere behind the athlete you’ve become and the hours of practice and the coaches who have pushed you is a little girl who fell in love with the game and never looked back… always play for her.”
- Mia Hamm
My daughter Jovi has always been a child of diverse interests, as many children are during their foundational stages of development. Without insistence, she has been drawn to designing, engineering, creating varieties of art, she loves costumes, and dance, making videos, and developing stories. My role now, as I see it, is to enroll her in and expose her to new opportunities and challenges, so that she may investigate different arenas to discover new passions. Pre-pandemic Jovi and her cousins all attended a dancing school program together. They studied ballet, jazz, and tap and had the first experience of a recital on stage. She loved performing! No surprise there. Now, with the pandemic having not only separated her from her cousin group for a year, but also causing her to miss out on the classroom socialization by being virtual too, I was in search of a summer activity for my girl this time with specific goals in mind. My best girlfriend introduced the idea of cabbage ball, sent out an alert of spots available to our mom group with the added bonus that her husband would be one of the team coaches attached. This began her first experience in organized sports. It is safe to say now at the seasons end…Jovi has indeed found a new passion!
Last Week, we played our final regular season game and now I get to reflect on the expectations vs. reality and the beauty of the lessons learned in hindsight. My expectations of what I wanted her to gain from this experience were pretty simple. Jovi is seven years old, and spent First grade in her pajamas mostly on a computer screen. So of course, she needs a good healthy dose of regimen, focus, and what better way than practicing to learn a fun new game of skill?! She also needed to be outdoors and have the opportunity to be sociable. If you’ve ever met my child you know why that requirement is a no brainers. I used to be adamant about “no leagues where everyone gets a trophy” mentality. After all, I wanted her to learn more times in life you’ll lose before you win; how will you handle it, what kind of teamwork and sportsmanship are you capable of?!
This is the reality of what I had the privilege as her mom to SEE HER LEARN:
Her own capabilities when she’s following a new passion are awe inspiring! I want her to look back at this experience and remember that when she really wants something, because she loves it, puts her mind to it, and works hard for it, she is truly capable of accomplishing great things!
Who she is as a person will always shine through, even in a high pressure situation! Her team began as novices to the sport and the league sans a player or two. All the rules, positions, and how their individual talents contributed to a larger teams success were all new concepts and challenges. Every game they had fun, they grew closer, and their areas of improvement became strengths consistently reinforced. She got to see with each “loss” that their efforts were yielding many rewards. She remained a leader, fearless, supportive and kind as she cheered her teammates as well as girls they played against.
She CAN DO HARD THINGS! Before one game, she bumped her head at the field and with an ice bag on her injury and tears in her eyes she told her coach she wasn’t sure she could play. Her teammates huddled around her showing off wristbands and fresh scrapes they were going to play with while letting her know that she could do it too. She decided to get in the game, had a few power hits, and was proud that she contributed to her team’s efforts that night. In last night’s game while at bat she got hit by the ball on the top of her ear, there was a timeout, cheers of encouragement, and she collected herself to not only get on base but to run home for her first game score of the season.
And this is the reality of what I had the privilege to take away from the entire experience:
Keep challenging her! I never thought by seven I’d be okay with Jovi playing sports. She is accident prone to say the least. I am shocked to have gone this long with no ER visits for broken bones (knock on wood). She racked up some bumps and bruises this season, but contrary to my greatest fears she persisted and didn’t break. She’d been known to get frustrated when trying new things in the past to the point of wanting to quit since she wasn’t immediately great and winning all the time (the Aries and the leader in her no doubt) but throughout the season she NEVER melted down, and didn’t inquire about wins or losses, or even ask about the score for at least the first 10 games. She spoke only of the memorable moments from each and how much fun she was having!
Always stay mailable in motherhood! Let the process of her transformation through every experience teach ME! In that regard, I was WRONG about the awards for effort in organized sports. As a teacher, I am almost embarrassed by my former view. I know more than most the time, work, and dedication it takes the “F” student to finally be able to celebrate earning that “C” and the GED student to finally be able to say they graduated high school shouldn’t be met with how it’s ONLY a GED but rather applauded for persisting and for achieving after adversity! They are five to seven year olds and they should be learning that though life will often times ONLY congratulate the “winners” in first place, that wins themselves will come in many forms. Reaching a personal growth goal you set for yourself is a major win in my book and I want it to be in Jovi’s as well along including the smaller steps it takes to get there!
Jovi and I had the pleasure of being on a cabbage ball team this year, she as a player and I as a cabbage ball mom. It was such a special experience for so many reasons. We were apart of building a team, developing confidences, accomplishing personal growth by facing a new challenge, and cultivating the love of a new passion. The cherry on top was that in their final season game they even got to experience taking home the win! It was a great moment though they were supported and celebrated at the end of every game. Playoffs begin next week and with the end in sight, she looked to me as we exited the field, and said “she’s already proud of herself, proud of her team and can’t wait to play again next year!” It’s all that pride, strength and confidence for me...that’s my favorite win of all!